The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

We have been blessed this year.  More than we deserve.  More than I could ever imagine.  I didn’t know how full my heart could feel.  Our lives have been turned upside down and yet I hardly remember a time when Benjamin wasn’t part of our story.  He has, hands down, been the greatest gift we have ever received.  When I think about waiting for our referral, I know that I would be willing to wait another 5 years for Ben, if that’s what it would take.  I love him so completely and without limitations.

I am now back to work and what an adjustment that has been!  However, Ben is doing great at daycare and I am slowly starting to get into a groove.  The last three months at home have been heaven.  It’s been amazing getting to know our sweet son.  He is changing daily, learning and growing faster than I can keep up with.  This journey has been challenging and a testament to my faith.  There have been hurdles as a wife and mother I didn’t know I would face.  There have been moments where I’ve wanted to break down and cry out of pure joy.  It’s everything I had hoped it would be and yet motherhood has felt foreign at times.  This time I’m on a roller coaster that is so thrilling I don’t want it to end.  With every milestone Ben reaches I’m cheering him on and yet my heart hurts at how fast he is growing.  I want to keep him small and safe with mama and at the same time I want to see him flourish on his own.

I can’t wait to continue writing about our adoption challenges and how crazy it was to go from childless to mother in a three day time period.  I feel like I can finally come up for air! 

 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas!  Count your blessings as all good things come from Him!

Our Beautiful Benjamin Seth

Sitting here today...I realize how fast life can change.  Literally, one phone call was all it took and now our lives will never be the same.  I've been dying to tell our story, but I wanted to wait until the termination of rights was complete.  Today it is.  Our heart are overjoyed for this little miracle.  We love him so much!

I got a call on Tuesday, after work.  Our social worker told us about a mom who had given birth to a little boy the previous Saturday.  She was hoping to make an adoption plan and she said that she was going to show our profile to her on Wednesday evening.  She also told me that she would let me know on Thursday morning of her decision.  Talk about a nail biter.  We told absolutely no one.  No family, no friends.  We did alert our work since we knew if we were chosen it would be a quick turn around time.  I don't think I slept at all on Wednesday night.  Something deep down told me this was it.  The call that we had been waiting for.  

Our worker called Thursday morning with fabulous news!  The mom had chosen us.  I was shaking...I couldn't wrap my head around all of this!  Of course, Thursday was a bust at work.  All I could think about was meeting our son!  We made plans to visit the mom and baby at the agency that evening at 4 p.m.  It was all happening so quickly, as I have read this is how it happens the majority of the time.   We immediately called our family with the awesome news!  I think they were in more shock than us!!  We met the mom and her mother and instantly fell in love with this sweet woman.  She is the epitome of strength, courage and faith.  I never knew that a bond could be formed so quickly but I felt a connection with her from the moment we met.  She is a beautiful young woman with a bright future ahead of her.  

THEN we met the baby.  Oh the baby.  We fell in love right away.  He stole our hearts with his big big brown eyes and his sweet cheeks!  As soon as we held him, he felt like ours.  Just like the story of the invisible red thread...we were destined to be together.  So...all of this is taking place on Thursday night.  We made arrangements to pick the baby up on Monday.  That's right folks...3 days notice before we brought our little joy home.

The next three days are days that I can hardly remember but I will never forget.  We had an army of friends and family helping us get things ready.  We had a make shift nursery to prepare (thank GOD we had purchased a bunch of big items) and we were literally showered with clothes and small gifts to help get ready for Ben's homecoming!

More to come with the details of our homecoming.  This journey has been a testament of faith.  It is a testament of the power of prayer and waiting patiently.  I would have waited 5 more years for this sweet boy!  The Lord knew exactly what he was doing when he united our birth mom, us and our sweet Ben.

Music for the Soul

Another song from our wedding that has great significance!  I always feel uplifted when I hear this song.

Music for the Soul

How great is He!

How Great Thou Art

Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the works thy hand hath made,
I see the stars, I hear the mighty thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed;

Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!

When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation
And take me home- what joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow in humble adoration
And there proclaim, my God, how great thou art!

Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!

Bliss!

Good things come to those who wait!  As I sit here with our son...I realize that life doesn't get much sweeter than this!!  God is good and we are so grateful.

The Cross That I Carry

Adoption = Anxiety. From the get go I have felt bombarded with a million emotions. I struggle with keeping my anxiety in check. We go months and months without hearing from our agency and then the little voice of doubt starts to creep in. It feels like we're waiting for something that will never come. Everyday morning it's a struggle to not let the thoughts of "when" consume me. Do I believe in the Lord's perfect timing? Yes! Is it so hard to sit back and not have control? Yes! Would I completely mess things up if I did it my way? Yes! I believe all of these things with all my heart and yet I continue to struggle. My deepest desire is to become a mother. Then I start to think about all the things I have longed for...good friends...a boyfriend...graduating from college...a proposal...a healthy marriage...a job for Wesley...buying a home. The Lord, in his time, has granted everything that I ask of him. He knows the desires of my heart. Looking back everything happened in the exact way it was supposed to. I can remember all the stress we went through when Wes was looking for a police job. He now has a job he loves and all the stress is but a distant memory. I cannot wait for this stress to become a distant memory!

Sometimes I look at people and think that their life must be easy. But all I really see is that they are not carrying the same cross that I carry. How silly of me to assume that unloading my cross and picking up theirs would suddenly fill me with a sense of peace! My prayer is that I let go of the anxiety and the voice of doubt. I want to live a joyful, purposeful life. It's so easy to get stuck inside yourself where you start to dwell on everything you don't have instead of the blessings that have been granted. However, my heart aches for a precious child. It literally aches. The pain has the power to bring me to my knees but it has not destroyed me. I refuse to let this temporary cross I am carrying destroy me, my marriage, friendships, and most importantly, my relationship with God. I know that only He has the power to ease the ache and the pain. My cross is waiting patiently, in joy (not anxiety) for the biggest blessing from above. Somedays are just easier than others.

Music for the Soul