Tuesday, July 13, 2010

To Post or Not to Post???

Wesley and I had the privilege of meeting with a couple who were considering adoption back in May. Wesley is an acquaintance with the father of the baby. The birth father had heard about our interest in adoption and offered to meet with us to discuss the possibility of adoption. Wesley and I couldn't believe the luck - so we set up a meeting to speak with the birth parents.

I have thought about this post for months - do I post this - or do I not? Let me preface this by saying that I want to be sensitive to the position the birth parents are in. It's important for Wesley and I to make sure we talk about them in somewhat generic terms and not divulge too much information. So, here's what we found out during our meeting. The birth parents are young - not high school young - but young. One just finished up with their undergrad and the other just finished their freshman year in college. They have no intention of being together. When we met with them the birth mom was very early in her pregnancy (she's due around Thanksgiving). You could tell she was scared. When I think back to being that age (like I'm sooo much older than they are) I remember all the big plans I had for my life. A baby was definitely in my plans just not at that moment, or anytime soon.

We talked a little about their families and their plans for the future. It was a little strange - talking to a couple who were thinking about adoption. In my head, for some reason, adoption is very much at the forefront and yet it seems like a far away dream. To have someone sitting in front of us was like a little piece of heaven - reassurance that we can do this and we will have a family sometime soon. So, the plans for the birth parents were for them to return to their home states during summer vacation and to come back to St. Louis in the fall. Wesley and I knew that since we were meeting with them at such an early stage of the pregnancy that their decision to make an adoption plan for their child was not set in stone. In fact, talking with someone that early on in the pregnancy isn't always a great idea. At that early in the game, the mother had not yet felt the baby kick, had not had an ultrasound, had not had a chance to really think about the life that is growing insider her. It's more just a scary concept than a reality at that point. The more time that goes on (typically) it will either cement the idea of adoption or not.

As the summer has gone on, Wesley has had a little contact with the birth father. It looks like the birth mother is leaning towards keeping the child. Now, from what I understand she has a large family support system. That is a plus. And it definitely follows the patterns that the adoption agency has told us about. Typically, the younger the birth mother, the more likely they are to keep the child. The reasoning behind this is that a young woman only thinks about the heartbreak of making an adoption plan. Instead of choosing to go through with adoption, they will typically take the road of less resistance - of instant gratification. It's easier in the short term to keep the child than to let it go. Am I saying that this young lady is not capable of caring for her child? Of course not. Quite the opposite. She was a super sweet girl who was in a bad situation. From our short time together, I think she would make a great mother. She's smart and has goals in life. But, sometimes I wonder how she is going to get a job, finish school, pay for babysitting, put food on the table etc. I myself worry about the same things (minus the school part) and I'm married and Wesley and I have a steady income. Women do it every single day - the single parent thing - and still make their way in the world. While Wesley and I are sad that this opportunity didn't work out for us, we know our baby is out there. We wish nothing but the best to this couple. We know they will love their baby just as much as we would have liked too!

Our current plan is to wait until after the first of the year to put in our adoption application with an agency. We want to wait until Wesley is out of the academy and we're settled in our new home. Please keep us in your prayers!