Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Baby That's Meant to Be

Holy Home Study! We are completely swamped with paperwork. Who would ever thing our lives are so interesting? We have filled out autobiographies, self-evaluations, couple evaluations, birth-mom and baby evaluations and anything else you can think of. We'll be getting FBI fingerprints and physicals. We're taking the pets to the vet. All these things are being done in preparation of little feet one day!

I can't say that this "paperwork" process has been stress-free. It's actually been quite the opposite. I had a mini meltdown at work the other day when I was feeling overwhelmed by the birth-mom/baby evaluation. Imagine four pages of answering yes/no/maybe to questions such as these:

Are you okay with the birth mom being an alcoholic?
Are you okay with the baby being exposed to crack, cocaine, meth, etc. etc. ect.
Are you okay with a white/black/asian/hispanic/jewish baby. Yes it really did ask about Jewish babies. I think the significance is a little lost on me.
Are you okay with various mental illness/disfigurement/birth defects?

The list just went on and on. I feel so guilty - like I'm baby shopping. For example, if Wesley and I were able to get pregnant and we had a child that had down syndrome or some type of learning/mental disorder we would not love that child any less than a "healthy" baby. However, during adoption you are able (if you choose) to rule out all these things. Of course we want a healthy baby. The reality of the situation is that we must be open to a variety of things in order to get a child.

The day I called the adoption worker she told me they just had a baby born the night before. The mom decided after delivery that she didn't want the baby. I was thinking how great that was - until the social worker told me that the birth mom admitted to doing crack every single day of her pregnancy. I can only imagine the troubles this baby will face from the onset. Wesley and I are faced with big decisions like that up front. Would we be okay with it? I mean, the doctors thought the baby was functioning at a high level and didn't show immediate signs of major mental disabilities. I feel bad at the thought that one day we might get a call like that. I'm not sure what we would do. It really freaked me out.

Then - in the midst of my freak out a friend posted a link on facebook about an adopted baby that most certainly would have died without the love of strangers. It helped me remember that God is going to provide us the child that is meant to be. There are no "do overs" or "returns" in adoption - only love and the stress that comes with any form of parenting. It doesn't matter how much I stress over the right baby...just like in pregnancy...I don't hold the cards for the worlds most perfect child. When I let my brain take over, sometimes its hard to hear God amidst all the background noise that I'm so good at producing :-) It's unfortunate that a lot of adoption horror stories are posted on the internet when the successes far outweigh the bad. Sometimes Google is not your friend.

So, Wesley and I will be finishing up all our paperwork in the next week which means we will move onto the interview process with the social worker. One individual interview for each of us, one to two couple interviews and a home visit!

Isaiah's Story from 31Films on Vimeo.