Our First Adoption Meeting

Shortly after we heard from the doctor, we decided to check out some adoption agencies. We figured it's best to be proactive and know what our options are so when we're ready to start the process we can be informed. Our first meeting was the Catholic Charities (Good Shepherd) in U. City. We were S.C.A.R.E.D. We had no idea what to expect and we arrived at the agency with what I'm sure was a "deer in the headlights" look. However, once we met the adoption agent, we felt at ease. Mary Ann has been working with Catholic Charities and doing adoptions since 1970. She knows her stuff. She spent well over two hours with us, answering our questions and trying to show us what the adoption process would entail. Here's what we learned:

1. We would need to be married at least 1 year before we could turn in our application.
2. We would have a home study conducted. The home study last approximately 2-3 months and consists of 5 meetings with a social worker. Two meetings are together, two meetings are separate and one meeting takes place in our home. We have to have references from our families, our peers and our pastor stating that we would be good (or great) adoptive parents. There would be background checks, financial reports and health tests to complete. It's a very in-depth look into who we are as a couple. During the home study the social worker will teach us about adoption, about what kind of family we will have and the challenges we will face. You get a lot of information during the home study process. Once the social worker has all the necessary information, she puts it into a very detailed 15 page, single spaced document. This document is the first thing a birth mother sees about us.
3. After we complete the home study phase, we would be eligible for the active adoption list. We would need to decide what type of child we would want. Would we want an older child in foster care or do we want a white, black, hispanic or asian infant? Do we want a special needs child? Are we open to a birth mother who has been exposed to drugs, alcohol or abuse? It's all very overwhelming because the more restrictive we are about what we want, the longer it can take to get a baby.
4. We prepare our "Dear Birth Mom" letter. This letter introduces us as a couple and explains why we want to adopt and our parenting techniques etc.
5. We prepare our adoption scrapbook. The scrapbook includes pictures and stories about who we are as a couple. It gives the birth mom a glimpse into our lives. We would include pictures and stories of our hobbies, family, vacations and pets.
6. We wait for a birth mom to pick us. The agency matches up our criteria with the birth mom's criteria and presents all our information to her. She can chose to have a face-to-face meeting with us and then decide if she would like to pursue an adoption plan with us. At this point, the birth mom is in complete control. At first, this really bothered me but the more I think about it, the more I respect the process. This is the one great and loving decision she is making for her baby and it should be her decision and hers alone. I hope I can keep this in perspective if the process becomes a long road for us.
7. It's expensive.

Catholic Charities has a relatively small program. The Archdiocese only allows them to service the St. Louis area which can somewhat limit the pool of available infants. However, Wesley and I felt really impressed by their program. It seems like we would receive all the support we would need. Sometimes a smaller program can give you more of a "hands on" approach. Their fees are based on a sliding-fee scale. While this sounds wonderful it's still very expensive. Wesley and I are looking at anywhere from $15-20k to adopt a child through their program. The great thing is that only a very small portion is due up front and the rest is due once the adoption is finalized. We have a lot of praying to do. I'm not sure where the funds are going to come to finance this adoption but I know that I'm not going to let that stand in the way of having a family.

Overall, we left feeling informed and overwhelmed. Now that we have had several months to digest the information we received during the meeting we feel more comfortable with our decision. I think the hardest part of the process will be the wait. We can't wait to turn in our application!