It's very seldom that I become offended by someone who is asking about adoption or our infertility. I don't (normally) feel jealous about the couples who are able to get pregnant. I have resigned myself to the fact that while we will not conceive in the traditional way, our journey to parenthood is truly a gift in that it has opened my eyes and my heart in a way that would never be possible without this trial. I feel more compassionate and inspired to see God's plan for our family. But, as every adoptive couple will tell you, people say things out of support that come across as silly or insensitive. The biggest thing that I find fault with is when people will tell me that they know of a family who adopted but then became pregnant several months later. I know that they are just trying to be supportive but it comes across as saying..."don't worry...one day you can be a real mom because you might get pregnant". I am overjoyed for the women who are able to conceive after adoption...for that is God's plan for them. I joke that Wes will think I'm cheating on him if we do, in fact, become pregnant one day. People who make these statements aren't trying to be hurtful but they also don't know the severity of our medical condition. The Lord does great things. If He wants us to become pregnant, then it will happen in His timing. However, I want others to understand that every woman is different. Some may find hope in these words but I hear these words as if someone is viewing adoption as an option that isn't quite as good as a natural pregnancy. Wesley and I are not hoping for a pregnancy...we are praying for a family. There will never be a shortage of people who unknowingly offend someone, whether it pertains to adoption or to everyday life. My hope is that we can educate our friends to speak kindly and thoughfully. We love to answer questions about adoption and our journey...we just don't want others to think this is a second best option or a Plan B.
And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. Matthew 18:5
And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. Matthew 18:5
3 comments:
Perfectly stated! I often feel that the best response for people to make when they hear we are adopting is to be excited about the adoption for the true miracle it really is. Not ask questions about infertility. Not imply future pregnancies. But, just be excited for the fact we are adopting! We are truly blessed to be going down this path!
I can relate to the annoying comments. My mom jokingly said "you are like a life long babysitter." I know she didnt mean any harm, but it did tick me off!
My parents have even said this to me!!! I probably didn't have the most polite response, b/c like you, I wanted them to know that it wasn't the reason we are adopting.
It can be so frustrating at times. We'll have to come up with a zinger that is meant to get them thinking about what they said, yet still be polite .... That will be tough! :)
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