I know that adoption is a business. Anything you believe otherwise is simply an illusion. Adoption agencies have staff; they have overhead; they have advertising fees. Even though an agency is listed as "non-profit" does not mean that they do not generate revenue. What bothers me the most about this entire process is that I am in constant fear of a) wondering how we are going to pay for this adoption and b) wondering how will we ever be able to afford to do this again? Ever heard the expression Cash Is King? Never is it more true in adoption. We all know that if we're willing to shell out $40k we would be able to bring a child home sooner than we can blink our eyes. There are BIG agencies who charge BIG money with the promise of quick turnaround times and promises to the birthmom of paid expenses for 3+ months of her pregnancy.
There is nothing wrong with the families who choose this route or these types of agencies. I truly do not believe you can put a price on how you create your family. However, I wish that the adoption agencies didn't prey on the emotions of all those involved. Many times, you have birthmoms who may be young or uneducated or simply without a support network. These women find themselves scared and pregnant. Enter an adoption agency who can promise that not only will their child find a loving family but they will have financial support throughout their pregnancy. Enter the couple who have been going through infertility treatments for years, who find themselves creeping into their mid-late 30's. The clock is ticking. They feel desperate for a child. Simply pay this huge fee and get matched with a birthmom sooner rather than later. The little agencies don't stand a chance against these BIG agencies.
What I'm trying to say is that there are so many birth families who are searching for loving adoptive families for their children. These birthparent(s) really want to provide their child with opportunity and a stable home environment. It just saddens me that the agency with the most glitz is the one that attracts (and perpetuates) this cycle. It's hard to see these smaller agencies that cannot offer a birthmom living expenses, but can offer counseling and guidance, being passed over for the agencies that can offer money (and the promise of momentary financial stability) for a birth parent. I recently checked into another adoption agency who said the number of their adoptions were significantly down from the previous couple of years. She was able to chalk this change up to two things: more birth fathers deciding to parent and more agencies offering to pay for birth mother expenses. I'm not going to lie...if I were in these women's shoes, I too would consider these large agencies who could help me financially.
There are so many children in need and so many willing families but the financial obstacles are great. I know that there is not much we can do to change the circumstances surrounding this business, it just saddens my heart that a lot of adoptive families will shy away from adoption due to the financial factors involved.
Easy Chocolate Cake
5 years ago
3 comments:
You know, I think the same thing. I do not have a financial advantage to save $40K or take out a loan, although I wish I could have a baby sooner.
We are going with a smaller local agency who has much of the same problems as the one you talked about. They also mentioned that grandparents are parenting more too.
Like you said, I can't blame the birthmother for choosing to have living expenses paid for. Its too bad there aren't more grants out there for adoption. Either that or they figure out this whole adoption tax credit issue so we have a clue as to what's going on in the years to come. We have a flex-plan to save pre-tax dollars for adoption, but are too scared to do that in case we can't use it all in the next year, or we'll lose it.
Sorry for the rambling, but these issues frustrate me too, if you can't tell. :)
I understand your frustrations! I wish it was a more level playing field. My sister has two daughters through international adoption which does even out the playing field (from a financial comparison perspective) but also comes with its own hurdles. We have been drawn to domestic adoption for a reason.....let's pray that it works out perfectly!
First of all I want to say I'm very happy to have found your blog.
Secondly, I wanted to know if you'd considered adopting from foster care for your second child? I understand why you want a newborn, especially for your first child. We want our first child to be a baby so we can grow up as parents while our child does...
After that first baby though, we'd consider slightly older kids, which is usually what you'd get from foster care. Because the foster system has to make every effort to find the child a home with their biological family, and that takes time to make them free for adoption, so the youngest available is usually toddlers.
In most states, foster care adoption is very low cost, sometimes free. You're basically just paying for the paperwork, etc, not overhead. You usually do have to pass the same tests given foster parents (plus more), so technically you become a foster parent, but there's no need to foster any child other than the one you plan to adopt. (I've heard some people say they could never do it because they thought they had to become a normal foster parent and were guaranteed to have to give some of the kids back... while adoptions could fall through, it's the same-- maybe less-- risk you face for a birthmom changing her mind.)
Anyway, you may have considered this before, but I thought I'd point it out as an option for any children beyond this one, especially if you can't afford this twice. I am sure you've prayed and know this is God's plan for this adoption. I'll be following you, and praying for you and you husband as you go through this awesome journey.
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