I wonder (all the time) when it will be our time! When do we get to experience the joy of parenthood instead of this feeling of longing? The longer the wait the more the little fears start to creep in. I literally feel broken today. There is a sadness that is weighing on my heart and I can't explain it. I know when this happens that I must turn to prayer and the good word of the Lord and yet it feels like there is a weight of 1000 pounds on my shoulders.
Oh adoption...how you play with my emotions. It's a rollercoaster ride and just when you start to enjoy the ride it comes to a screeching halt. I no longer wish to ride this rollercoaster. I want off. I want to spend my days not wondering "when" as it is an all consuming thought. I want our family to grow and I want to share the love that Wesley and I have for each other with our child.
I know that our time will come. I know that there are families who have been waiting a lot longer than us. I know that the Lord has everything under control. And yet, here I am, spending my day in worry and anxiety. When does it end?
Easy Chocolate Cake
4 years ago
4 comments:
We're still early in the adoption process, but I can forsee the wait and uncertainty being a killer. I think its just human nature to be anxious about the unknown ... the when, where and how's. I pray you will have your answers (and your family) soon.
I just came across your blog, and I can see that you are in a rough place right now. But, you are trusting in God's plan for your family, and in doing that you are pleasing Him. I know the wait is hard, and I had many days just like the one you are describing in this post. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers during this time of anticipation.
You are definitely in my thoughts today. I can't imagine how all the waiting and uncertainty must be making you feel, but always remember how many people love and support you and Wesley. Your time WILL come!! I believe that! Miss you, friend!
Yes, the wait is a killer. We've been in the process almost three years, and have had one failed match. It isn't easy, and "roller coaster" is exactly the right term.
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